Reader's Poll
This Week:

1. You would describe "sex" as:
A. A beautiful act between consenting adults.
B. A common occurrence out on the farm.
C. An excellent career choice.
D. Icky.

2. Your favorite expression during sex is:
A. "Oh God,"
B. "Are you finished?"
D. "What's your name?"

3. A woman clad in leather and holding a whip is:
A. A dominatrix
B. A nice thing to come home to.
C. Worthy of my weekly earnings.
D. About as appealing as having your nuts shaved by a blind, grouchy barber, prone to seizures.

4. You would describe "anal sex" as:
A. A beautiful act between consenting adults.
B. Out-of-the-fucking-question.
C. A form of greeting in Greece.

5. You would describe "oral sex" as:
A. A good "ice breaker" at parties.
B. Not a form of sexual contact.
C. The finest gift you can give a fellow human being.
D. A perk to being President of the United States.

6. Masturbation is:
A. A nice way to pass the time.
B. Fun while driving.
C. Causing your hair to fall out.
D. Necessary.

7. If these were the last women on Earth, which one would you have sex with:
A. Tammy Faye Baker
B. Janet Reno
C. Carol Channing
D. Tipper Gore
E. RuPaul

8. If these were the last men on Earth, which one would you have sex with:
A. Newt Gingrich
B. Mayor McCheese
C. Mister Rogers
D. Edward Kennedy
E. RuPaul

9. You practice "safe sex":
A. Often.
B. Whenever you are alone.

10. Where is your favorite place to have sex?
A. Anywhere.
B. Suspended by an elaborate collection of ropes and pulleys.
C. On television.
D. Burger King.
E. In the butt.

11. What is the nick-name of your genitals?

12. What is your favorite term for breasts?

13. If your sexual prowess could be bottled as a fragrance, what would it be called?

14. If your genitals could talk, who would they sound like?

15. Is wearing "pretty things" under your normal clothes so wrong?

16. Can a man and a sheep really just be friends?

17. Aren't you amazed at how many stupid questions we've asked?

18. If I pop a chubby while Uncle Milty is dressed like a woman, does that make me a homo?

19. Identify your favorite sex toy.

20. The last time you had sex was: