Frequently Asked Questions

What is Tonight on the Web?
Tonight on the Web is not so much a humorous oasis on the Internet,
as it is a desperate cry for help.

What is a FAQ?
We think it's a derogatory term for a homosexual, and we wish you
wouldn't use it.

Is there really a need for Tonight on the Web?
Yes! Four out of five doctors recommend Tonight on the Web because
it's fat free and doesn't stick to most dental work.

Does this make me look fat?
No, honey. You look great.

Who pays for this shit?
In three words...YOU DO! We have been embezzling cash from nearly
every government agency and program since 1985. Congress thinks 
we're working on a cure for gout - we're not. We're driving expensive
cars, doing things with women that are even illegal in New Jersey, and
generally having a blast at your expense!

How do I get to Broadway?
Practice, practice, practice.

Where do you get your ideas?

All of our work is lovingly crafted from 100% recycled trash. We painstakingly
design each idea - until it's perfect...then we ship it off to be assembled by
under-paid, hungry, migrant workers in California.

If a tree falls in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Who gives a shit?

Is there a God?
We're not sure...but I do have a friend named Jesus, if that's any help.

What is the meaning of life?

The quality manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth, response
to stimulation, and reproduction, by which living organisms are distinguished
from dead organisms or inanimate matter.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?
Judge Doom

What time is it?
It's 11:30, do you know what time it is?