By Michael Hand
 
I never understood how a man could stay with the same woman for any amount of time.
Sex is a relationship killer.  After a guy has sex he wants to go to sleep.  Why?
Because he’s already gotten everything he wants out of life for that moment.
He doesn’t want to talk to her.  Sometimes he wants to cuddle (if he’s really cold),
but sleep follows very quickly.  It’s the chase that’s exciting.
What the hell is foreplay?  Foreplay is chasing a woman you know you can’t have.
That’s foreplay.  And if you succeed you get a reward.
Who cares if the reward lasts three minutes?  It feels great!
 
The cavemen did it best.  They knew what they wanted and they took it.
If they couldn’t have it, they fought for it.  They wanted sex.
You see a cavewoman, you sneak up behind her while she’s taking a
drink out of a river or something, and you just stick it in a couple of times.
That’s it!  Then you go home and sleep really well before the hunt the next morning.
That’s why it only lasts three minutes for us guys.  There wouldn’t be any human life on the planet
if we had to “build up” to it. Every time two cavepeople tried to get it on,
they would have been trampled by a wooly mammoth or something.
It’s not conducive to survival! You should be able to do your business and move on.
 
That’s why sex is the big relationship killer.
Men were not meant to have sex with the women they have relationships with.
That’s why we can’t keep our eyes off of other women when we’re with our girlfriends.
We were meant to have sex with the women we don’t have a relation ship with.
That must be it.  How else can it be explained?
 
Women complain that the sex in their marriage isn’t good anymore.
It probably never was any good.  But, they stay together.  They have to.
Now they have kids and a house and they’re locked in together.
Yes, they love each other and they care deeply for one another
but they weren’t meant to have sex.  The guy sometimes realizes this and he goes off
and starts banging stewardesses…excuse me, flight attendants.
It’s not because he doesn’t love his wife, because most of the time he does.
It’s because there is nothing more primal than sex.
 
I have discovered the meaning of life and it is sex. Sex is the reason we are here.
Sex, sex, sex.  That is the meaning of life.  Without it we wouldn’t be here, plain and simple.
We were put here merely to survive.  Just like the little titmouse who can’t find
his erection to put it anywhere, we are here to procreate.
Sure, you say, but eventually we will be able to survive without copulation.
Babies will be grown in test tubes.  Who the fuck wants that?
We need sex to survive.
Whether or not a baby is actually made doesn’t matter – it feels good!
 
Maybe someday I’ll find a woman to who makes me feel differently about all of this.
Maybe not.  But I will tell you this:
Until then, I’m going to make the best of my manhood and
sneak up on as many thirsty cavewomen as possible.
 
 
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